November 2013/2014

So I need to play catch up. It really has been too long and I should at least get all the major details down in my life to look back on. Luckily, I have a running list of things to write about and hopefully I can get them done over Christmas Break. But for now there will be a little bit of overlap!

This November and last I was able to check another state off my list and extend the farthest place I've ever been east! Camp Kesem has a national summit where we get to meet up with all the other chapters across the nation and attend training meetings and make connections and it is just so so fun.

                                   

Detroit 2013

It really re-energizes me and remind why I do Kesem. Saturday night they have a family of MSU/UM campers and parents come and ask questions and it reminds me that Kesem is helping so much more than my 100 campers at BYU. It is CHANGING lives across the nation and maybe someday across the world.

I'm so incredibly grateful to be a part of this movement. I can only imagine where CK is going to be in the next few years! One of the coolest things at THIS year's summit was the rebranding of Camp Kesem! The national organization will be known as Kesem now and Camp Kesem is a project of that organization.

Camp Kesem National says:

We know that supporting children through and beyond their parent's cancer can include programming beyond our flagship Camp Kesem. In the coming years, we'll be exploring some of those options for growth. So to prepare for that growth, we've created an umbrella organization - which we have proudly named "Kesem." Kesem will serve as the parent organization for all of our programming, including Camp Kesem. (But rest assured, there are no changes being made to our signature Camp Kesem program). We're thrilled with the new logo for Kesem - which is reflective of the colors found in Karl. We hope you see the same meaning we do in the shining light rays bursting "through and beyond" in the new Kesem logo.  

Camp Kesem is a nationwide community, driven by passionate college student leaders, that supports children through and beyond their parent's cancer.

Detroit 2014

I Have Never Been So Thankful

I'm in one of those euphoric states. Literally everything in my life brings me joy - sometimes it just takes longer to remember it. And I can spam all of you with my immense gratitude because it's Thanksgiving. And so begins the list...

Brittani's Gratitude List (<yep. I'm 5 years old)

*Christmas music. It just brings such happiness mainly because I'm thinking about home and family and more holiday memories.

*My friends and the wonderful people they are. I'm grateful for when they cook for me. For when they know something's wrong. For when they make feel better. For when they remind me to find happiness. For when they tell me to stop being stupid and brush myself off. And for when I can do the exact same to them.

*Words. It's amazing the impact that words have - written or spoken, they can change things around completely. And I've realized the last few days how many people turn these words into art that moves me. 

*My job. I complain about it more than I should. It's in the late hours of the night sitting on the floor with my girls talking about life, love, and everything under the sun that I realize why I do what I do. And more importantly, why I love it.

*Camp Kesem. Camp gave me purpose. Camp reminded me what I love about life. It brought back the happiness in my life because I finally found a place where I belonged. It is SO much more than something to put on a resume. It's a family. It saved me.
*BYU. I'm here learning at a prestigious school on full-scholarship from some of the brightest people in the world. Not only do I get to increase my education, I get to grow spiritually in all that I do and be fully immersed in this Gospel that I hold so dearly. Not to mention the Temple that is right outside my window.

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was restored on this earth for ME. Well, and you too. It reminds me to keep an eternal perspective on life. It helps me to not sweat the little things. It gives me comfort when nothing else can. It gives me purpose. It gives me hope. 

*My family. The reason I started writing this post to begin with. After spending a lovely day with my Aunt and Uncle and the rest of the clan, I came home tonight to work. And I started wallowing, "Woe is me. I'm alone on Thanksgiving night. My family is far away and I'm here alone. Why me." And I realized how blessed I am. I shouldn't be pitying myself today. I should be ecstatic about all that I have been blessed with. And my family is my everything, as crazy and complicated and backwards as it can get. I would be nowhere without these beautiful people. And as cliché as that is, I mean every single word. They're my biggest cheerleaders, my greatest examples, and the funniest people I will ever have the privilege of knowing in this life. And they're all mine. Sorry, y'all. 

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, too. No matter where you were or who you were with because you have people, experiences, and encounters to be thankful for too.

We live, we learn. We crash and burn.

Y'all know H, right?

Um, babe much, am I right? Really this post has less to do about her and more about our conversations.

H is getting ready to serve a mission. I'm at BYU.
We both blog.
Mama Hen, Momma Goose.
We both turned 19 this year.
And we both learned a lot.

It's hard to explain sometimes, how much we've grown.

To sum it up:

To my self,
When you go our and don't come home until 6 am embrace it.
When you don't sleep, complain. But gain perspective that you did something worthwhile.
When you break down because you can't follow someone's thought process, eat the Phish Food and call the friend that's always been there.
Swoon for those kids that look like they're 12 just because they can sing. Also, they're legal.
Be inspired.
Recognize the importance of people before they're gone.
Enjoy the attention but protect yourself. Humans are imperfect. Don't hold someone to too high of a standard.
It's okay to be conceited. You're freaking worth it. You deserve an equal.
Age is just a number. Some people take longer to realize it than others.
"I was dumb. I learned and I grew."
Take every moment and let it be a learning experience.

Above all else?
#yolo
#iaintevenmad
#wishicared
#hashtag

"Stand ye in Holy Places"

The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls, those who are sick in soul and spirit and are downhearted and distraught, on the verge of nervous breakdowns. We are are reaching out to all such, because they are precious in the sight of the Lord, and we want no one to feel that they are forgotten...
You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul.

-President Harold B. Lee

I have these really awesome people in my life like... {six}

Jason K!

He's going to be in America. Like today. What? Two years already past? I can't wait to see this wollengabba. He spent two years in Brazil on his mission and now will be attending BYU-Idaho until he can transfer to Utah and we can have soso much fun! He's an amazing person and an even better friend. Love love love him!

Pretty much the story of our lives.

I can't even take how hideous this is but the fact that we're both crying shows he kinda likes me too, right?

Footloose

I don't know if y'all knew, but for my Senior Project I was a part of the school musical which happened to be Footloose my senior year (Side note: It's going to be West Side Story Bailey's senior year and I told him I'd disown him if he wasn't a part of the production). And as I was going through some pictures on my computer I found these beauties and I had to share them.

These are all of me (and the cast) being all churchy. I'm such a good housewife it's ridiculous. In numbers 1 and 2, I'm standing next to my 'daughter'. Funny how they cast the two red heads huh? Too bad the dad is Asian. hahaha Notice in number 3 I have no shoes on and my hair is significantly smaller than in all the other pictures. That's because it wasn't a performance - just wanted to clarify that I'm not that tacky. 

 Amazing AMAZING cast. See photo number 4 for my trashy hoe wig. It's blond with black roots. Hot, amiright? Some days I wanted to rip their throats out but mainly I loved this cast like a family.

Me and the hubs (In the play. Gotta clarify for people googling this and looking for BYU married students. Awk.) 1. End scene that I couldn't look him in the eye during because I just started cracking up because I couldn't even take him seriously and it was supposed to be a tender moment and there were just so many things wrong with it that it had to be altered. 2. Me, sucking up as usual. This is the picture that was in the paper. And the school bulletin. And everywhere else. Couldn't find a better one? Really? 3. That's me in a robe and silky jammies. Oh and you can't forget the night cap. Just so you know I sang a solo in that outfit and freaking rocked it. I'm talking tears, people. Check it out here. 

1. Me just doing me thang.

2. (going down) That's the gym scene - Shawn took his shirt off. And Faith talked about periods.

3. BROOKIE. That's my cheer buddy for lifeeee.

4. Coree. That's the face she gave me every morning in seminary. Just kidding. Not really.

5. Me again. I just think it's such a glamour shot even with my stage makeup on. I think I yell at the hubs in this scene. 

6. Coree, Jesse, and Kelcie. They're just so cute. They did the musical even with basketball AND softball. #dedication

I've Been Thinking

I know that's kinda scary. But isn't crazy to think about how people come into your life? And the ones you think will be important aren't and the ones that are you don't realize it until late.

(Heads up, this might end up being me talking in circles and making absolutely no sense.)

Take H for example. Her name alone made me think we weren't going to get along right off the bat. I emailed her timidly because that's what you do when given a roommate's email address right? I didn't know at the time how important she would become in my life or how much we would need each other. And neither of us really understood how tidy we were (We both said somewhat. I'm definitely more than somewhat and she is most definitely less. But I love her!) And now, a year later, I miss her more than dieters miss candy and we text each other funny things that we used to be able to say across the room and now there's an ocean dividing us.

Or A. A admitted to me later on that she hated my first impression and thought I was really stuck up when she first met me (I think I need to work on that... haha). We always joked about our first times hanging out. One day she tried to find me and there was another Britt on the floor but she was Brittany and I'm Brittani. We had our names on the doors courtesy of our RA and Amber knocked on Brittany's door and asked, "Oh, is Brittani here?" and she said "I am Brittany..." How awkward for her right? That led to me sleeping on her extra bed almost every night until K moved in and even then I moved my mattress in. Lucky I have her while K is going to be in London and nearly all of our other friends are going on missions.

And then there's Lady K! K and I met the summer after my junior year. We got in trouble for being rebels without a cause at EFY and keeping the whole building up. We yolo'd so hard even then. Fast forward two years and we find out we're living on the same floor of the same building or Freshman Year at BYU... COINCIDENTALLY.  The universe was definitely trying to tell us something then (HIMYM reference, anyone? Anyone? K will get it.)

Where there's Lady K, there's a Lake - the second half of the blondtourage. L and I had our ups and downs but we make a good team. She reminds me not to take life so seriously and she needs me to take her phone so she actually gets her assignments done. And she started as that girl down the hall who wanted us to come see her on Halloween at Sonic because she had to work. Oh, she likes Little Mermaid too so that's kinda bonding.

Can't forget about A and O. Met because BYU put us together in a Y-group because we signed up for the same class our first semester. Take a picture together the first night and it's like you're destined to love them forever. A is on a mission and I talk to him weekly and can't imagine not having his friendship in my life. He truly was an answer to my tear-filled, lonely prayers. And O - we may not have seen each other everyday of the school year, but we finished where we started and made sure there were lots of laughs and memories along the way and are able to pick up where we left off when we are together.

Or my bulldogs. Did you know that when I first moved to Lake County they all picked on me relentlessly? Not like they do now where it's a joking thing. But to the point where I would go home and cry. (I was pretty weird individualistic in the middle school in their defense.) And then in high school I started checking their collars to make sure their ties were covered because I think I might have OCD. And one day Kyle called me Momma Goose and that's how that started. And now I love and care about them like my brothers and I pray for them and worry for them and get excited for them and they are some of the greatest friends in my life. Even if they agitate me without end.

There's the friends I thought would be my friends forever in high school and now we hardly talk or I see their Facebook statuses and that's how I keep updated.

There's the friends who come into your life and leave and come back until you realize how much you love them and need them around. And no matter what life brings you through or where you are or how many times you fight or say "I hate you" deep down you always still care.

There's the friends that I feel obligated to make things work with and I try really hard but I know that in the end I have to do what's best for me and sometimes that means going separate ways because we have different life experiences and we grow in different ways and sometimes that means that we grow apart. But that's life.

What I'm trying to say I guess is that there are so many things that happen in our lives and we don't always take time to appreciate them or write them down or ponder them. And I always tell myself I'll get around to it at some point but tonight I just knew I needed to write it down for me because it's been something I've been thinking about for a while. In the end, I just feel grateful. And that's possibly the best thing.

Change

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing
with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some
gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part
of the process of becoming a butterfly.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me
when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”

And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 6775.)


I guess this RA studying stuff is good for something.

For the whole talk about change by Wendy Watson, click here.

The end.

There's really no other way to describe it. It's just the end. The end of the beginning I suppose. Haley and I are busy deep cleaning and packing and whatnot. Cleaning out the shoebox we call home. And that's what it's become - the 3103, Provo, BYU - home. I know I'm going "home" to California. But I'm going there with suitcases and a set date to come back. And I'm okay with it. I waited for this day with anticipation since day one. And I can't believe it's here and if I'm being honest, I wish it wasn't. I could sit here and make a list of all the things I wish I would've/could've done before I left, things that I could add to the Freshman Year Bucket List. Instead, I'm just so grateful for the things that I was able to do and accomplish while I was here. And now I sit in anxiously awaiting when I can get back to P-town. It'll be a fantastic end to my summer with Camp Kesem and then swinging right in to RA training. Oh yeah guys, I'm going to be an RA! Next Fall and Winter semesters I'll be living in Freshman On-Campus housing so that they'll pay for my things (housing and meal plan) and so I can help some girls navigate their Freshman year. That'll be interesting!

As for this summer, I'm going to try and figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a few ideas, and I know I have time, but really feel like I can do it. It's a "me summer". I have a few goals in mind, a job lined up, and some quality reading time to catch up on. And I can't tell you how great it all sounds.

This year

It's almost over 

WHAT.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I sat in my room balling my eyes out with Lady K because we had no friends and hated it here and wanted to be home and missed our family and the sky was falling and the world was coming to an end?

First night at school, say what?

 That was eight months ago.

And now the thought of going home is killing me. I mean I have the BEST people in my life - hands down. H, A, K, L, and the plethora of boys lining up at my door (don't even get me started on how many marriage proposals I've had this year, I mean really*). And now I've gotta go home and put all that on hold and work and make money and do some leadership stuff on the side because that's kinda my thing. I just got settled in and started enjoying, well, everything and now I'm out. And 99.9% of the people I met won't be here next year - THOSE FREAKING MISSIONS. Good thing I love this Church as much as I do and I'm okay with it. I also don't want to be struck down by lightning...

I feel like I've learned a lot. No so much in my classes but those were cool, too. More about me. And I realized how much I love this time in my life and how I don't want it to end and I don't want to grow up and I want to be able to stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun, you feel me?

It's just been some great time. Some awesome, fantastic, truly wonderful memories. And this 3-month break is going to SUUUUUUCK.

I now present to you: A Year in Pictures (The Condensed Version)

First Friends! Love them always and forever. 

Cutest Roommates you ever did see. #Jackpot

First (and LAST) time hiking the Y.

First Homecoming! True Blue. Thanks for making me go, BM.

First time having all four seasons! (Sometimes all in one day... Oh Utah.)

First real winter. Guys, I'm still alive. Shocking to even me!

Christmas at Temple Square with my lovers. Oh, that night. Memories. 

Ice skating! Still my dream date. Take note, boys, I'm easy to please.

It felt like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters. But it was really cold...

Did you know if you sit in the right place at lunch time in the CougarEat approximately 2012839201438247 people will come to talk to you about country dancing and hungry face competitions and BYU/SA?

Just a mid-week drive to Salt Lake. Gotta look hot, you know what I'm saying?

*Yeah, no that's a joke. So sorry for the disappointment. But I made it through my first year without a ring on it! Yes, it can be done! Actually, none of my friends got engaged this year. #foreveraloneattheCannonCenter

Science and Religion

Two things that at first don't seem related. In fact, many believe it is better to separate science and religion as much as possible. That the two are incompatible and they actually contradict each other...

I'm currently taking PDBio 220, which at BYU is human anatomy with a cadaver lab. And each time I attend that class (three times a week in case you were wondering) my testimony grows. I won't lie - I was one of those people who thought that science and religion could coexist and that, yes, I'm religious but I can believe in the sciences as well. But the more I study them, the more I realize that they not only coexist, but are codependent. 

How wonderful it is to go to a school where that is so blatantly obvious! I can never know for sure if taking anatomy would have the same impact on me elsewhere, but I can say that going to a religious school and having religion so fully integrated in my studies is such a blessing.

This may seem random. Actually, I'm sure it's completely out of left field. But I just got an email from the coordinator of the anatomy labs in which she quoted the Prophet Joseph Smith:

God Himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens! That is the great secret. If the veil were rent today, and the great God who holds this world in its orbit, and who upholds all worlds and all things by His power, was to make Himself visible,—I say, if you were to see Him today, you would see Him like a man in form—like yourselves in all the person, image, and very form as a man; for Adam was created in the very fashion, image and likeness of God, and received instruction from, and walked, talked and conversed with Him, as one man talks and communes with another (Teachings: Joseph Smith, 2007, 40).

She went on to comment, "Isn't it humbling to know that when we are studying the human body we are also studying the anatomy of God?"

Every once in a while I just have those "Aha" moments here on campus and that was one of them. I'm so grateful to have this perspective in my learning, and I know that I'm growing in my studies of both my religion and my education. I feel like things just make more sense this way, you know?

(If you are curious about the "Mormon terms" used here, follow the links!)

Maybe Utah Isn't That Bad After All

The View From Window

In fact, I think I might've gotten pretty lucky.