Finals

It has really been something else. So many emotions flow through you during these stressful times. I was elated when I saw the score for my Hist201 test. Last night, I was at the lowest low after hours of studying and I saw the less-than-satisfactory grades from my calc and chem finals. I felt like sleeping. I felt like my eyeballs were gonna fall out of my head and my brain was melted from the hours and hours of studying and testing and studying and testing and writing and studying and testing.
And there were times when I wanted to give up.
I didn't though. I didn't do all that great (for my standards). But at the end of the day I completed another semester (that's 4 down with my AP credits - shout out to CLHS for rockin' those classes).

And even if my grades say otherwise I learned a lot!
I learned about chemistry - understanding the world around me.
I learned about history - trade, religion, and biological warfare (and they didn't even test me on the last one)
I learned about mental and psychological issues and was able to apply the skills and resources in my life and the lives of those around me.
I learned about calculus - still don't know when you'd ever use it in life but hey, I learned some pretty cool tricks and I even made a friend in a class and I lost a bet too.
I learned more about my Savior's life, his Atonement, temples, and my testimony from my wonderful professor than I have in a long time.
I learned where I struggle and where I excel.
I got closer to declaring a major.
I learned that I choose sleep over class more often than not.

And learning is what's important. Knowledge is what rises with us in the resurrection. It can make a poor man rich and I truly believe that and education is the most important investment we can make in ourselves. And so, when I get those grades I'll be happy with what they are.
A's don't mean that I know the most in that class. It just means I tested well and followed the syllabus. But I know I learned something. Even if's not anything huge, or something that I'll forget in two weeks. It made a difference to me in this moment.

There's Those Moments On Campus When I Hear Things And Think, "Only at BYU..."

Like today, when I was walking to my last class and I hear a guy shouting into the phone, "IN THE ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE OF THINGS..." and he proceeded to shout while I carried on my merry way to class (PS I'll tell you what, class in the Benson and then in the Heritage Central Building with 10 minutes to get there is nearly impossible. Note to self for next semester).


And while I laughed to myself about the irony of what he said with the tone of which he said it, I realized that's an important motto.
The eternal perspective: what REALLY, TRULY matters?
Does it matter what we did in high school, how many things we're involved in, how many parties we've been to, the number of hours we've slept, how much money is in our bank accounts, how many friends we've had?

No.

It matters more how we carry ourselves after our experiences.

How we spend our time and the knowledge we've gained.

What did we do with our life? What did we leave behind?

How are we living now?

Do we dwell in the past? Or do we set our sights on the future? 

We keep moving forward.

"Stand ye in Holy Places"

The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls, those who are sick in soul and spirit and are downhearted and distraught, on the verge of nervous breakdowns. We are are reaching out to all such, because they are precious in the sight of the Lord, and we want no one to feel that they are forgotten...
You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul.

-President Harold B. Lee

Love It Like A Little Kid

For the original article, click here.

I’ve met a couple of young children in the past couple weeks (some family friends, some coming to shows, some just at the grocery store that I follow around for a few isles before their parents give me looks), and after spending enough time around them, and comparing myself to them (which I realize is a weird impulse), I came to a sad realization:

I don’t love anything the way they love everything.

For instance, I watched one of them just go nuts with this balloon. From the minute he found it, he was completely in love with the balloon. Nothing could tear away his attention. Any cares he had prior to the balloon (probably not many, to be fair), were completely washed away. You could have offered him a magical ride on a golden carpet made of french fries, and he probably still would have chosen to stay there and just mess around with this balloon.

Nowadays, even when I find something that makes me feel the way that I think that balloon probably made him feel (Michigan football, steak sandwiches, Fall weather, new Drake songs, etc), I can’t love it like that. I can’t have that same reaction. I’m happy, but not little-kid-with-a-balloon-or-a-puppy-or-the-thought-of-ice-cream-happy. I’m happy, but I’m distracted.

Here’s the difference: kid happiness blinds you to everything else. Modern happiness (for me, at least) just feels like a temporary break from my permanent march toward something else: obligations, sleep, death? Kid love is everything, modern love is just…something.

So, now fully self-aware of that shortcoming, I’ve started trying something. Now, when something that I love happens, I try to fully immerse myself in it. I try not to think about it as temporary: it’s what I’m doing so it’s everything that I am.

And it didn’t really work with the Michigan game on Saturday or the steak sandwich I bought at Subway the other day. It didn’t really work with anything until I tried it on stage the other night. I was performing, a job that I love, and I let myself just do that. I tried not to worry about how much water I was drinking, my posture, my banter, where I was placing the sound when I was singing, how I was holding the microphone, and I just let myself be right exactly where I was.

And, as the kid and his balloon would confirm, it worked! Before I knew it, I wasn’t thinking about any of those things. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just letting myself do nothing but love what I was doing. And all of my worldly concerned and long-term fears were gone.  I never understood that “in that moment, I felt infinite” line from Perks of Being a Wallflower, but I got it then, and I think that the key, at least for me, to getting it, was thinking about that little kid with the balloon.

My conclusion was this: if you let yourself love the things you love SO MUCH that for a temporary period of time forget that it’s a temporary period of time, you’ll love it exactly like you’re supposed to: like a little kid.

-Paradise Fears

They opened for Parachute and were sososo nerd-tastically cute, but I just really loved this post.

I don't know about you.

No I'm not feeling 22. But I think this is pretty cool.

For more of my own insight, click here.

I've Been Thinking

I know that's kinda scary. But isn't crazy to think about how people come into your life? And the ones you think will be important aren't and the ones that are you don't realize it until late.

(Heads up, this might end up being me talking in circles and making absolutely no sense.)

Take H for example. Her name alone made me think we weren't going to get along right off the bat. I emailed her timidly because that's what you do when given a roommate's email address right? I didn't know at the time how important she would become in my life or how much we would need each other. And neither of us really understood how tidy we were (We both said somewhat. I'm definitely more than somewhat and she is most definitely less. But I love her!) And now, a year later, I miss her more than dieters miss candy and we text each other funny things that we used to be able to say across the room and now there's an ocean dividing us.

Or A. A admitted to me later on that she hated my first impression and thought I was really stuck up when she first met me (I think I need to work on that... haha). We always joked about our first times hanging out. One day she tried to find me and there was another Britt on the floor but she was Brittany and I'm Brittani. We had our names on the doors courtesy of our RA and Amber knocked on Brittany's door and asked, "Oh, is Brittani here?" and she said "I am Brittany..." How awkward for her right? That led to me sleeping on her extra bed almost every night until K moved in and even then I moved my mattress in. Lucky I have her while K is going to be in London and nearly all of our other friends are going on missions.

And then there's Lady K! K and I met the summer after my junior year. We got in trouble for being rebels without a cause at EFY and keeping the whole building up. We yolo'd so hard even then. Fast forward two years and we find out we're living on the same floor of the same building or Freshman Year at BYU... COINCIDENTALLY.  The universe was definitely trying to tell us something then (HIMYM reference, anyone? Anyone? K will get it.)

Where there's Lady K, there's a Lake - the second half of the blondtourage. L and I had our ups and downs but we make a good team. She reminds me not to take life so seriously and she needs me to take her phone so she actually gets her assignments done. And she started as that girl down the hall who wanted us to come see her on Halloween at Sonic because she had to work. Oh, she likes Little Mermaid too so that's kinda bonding.

Can't forget about A and O. Met because BYU put us together in a Y-group because we signed up for the same class our first semester. Take a picture together the first night and it's like you're destined to love them forever. A is on a mission and I talk to him weekly and can't imagine not having his friendship in my life. He truly was an answer to my tear-filled, lonely prayers. And O - we may not have seen each other everyday of the school year, but we finished where we started and made sure there were lots of laughs and memories along the way and are able to pick up where we left off when we are together.

Or my bulldogs. Did you know that when I first moved to Lake County they all picked on me relentlessly? Not like they do now where it's a joking thing. But to the point where I would go home and cry. (I was pretty weird individualistic in the middle school in their defense.) And then in high school I started checking their collars to make sure their ties were covered because I think I might have OCD. And one day Kyle called me Momma Goose and that's how that started. And now I love and care about them like my brothers and I pray for them and worry for them and get excited for them and they are some of the greatest friends in my life. Even if they agitate me without end.

There's the friends I thought would be my friends forever in high school and now we hardly talk or I see their Facebook statuses and that's how I keep updated.

There's the friends who come into your life and leave and come back until you realize how much you love them and need them around. And no matter what life brings you through or where you are or how many times you fight or say "I hate you" deep down you always still care.

There's the friends that I feel obligated to make things work with and I try really hard but I know that in the end I have to do what's best for me and sometimes that means going separate ways because we have different life experiences and we grow in different ways and sometimes that means that we grow apart. But that's life.

What I'm trying to say I guess is that there are so many things that happen in our lives and we don't always take time to appreciate them or write them down or ponder them. And I always tell myself I'll get around to it at some point but tonight I just knew I needed to write it down for me because it's been something I've been thinking about for a while. In the end, I just feel grateful. And that's possibly the best thing.

Change

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing
with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some
gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part
of the process of becoming a butterfly.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me
when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”

And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 6775.)


I guess this RA studying stuff is good for something.

For the whole talk about change by Wendy Watson, click here.

There's this blog H, A, and I love...

Called "Just Say Amen Already". And it's super hilarious because as a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she is able to see all the weird or off-beat things about being a Mormon. And sometimes it's just nice to be able to recognize that yes, we are different and yes, that's okay. And if you can't accept it, it's going to make those who mock you winners because you'll begin to give in and believe what they say and feel that you're wrong and they're right.

Well I wasn't expecting to go that way but it did. Anywhoooooo

This blogger wrote this post recently and while she addressed it to converts to the Church I feel that it most definitely applies to all of us on our journey of spiritual progression. She says:


This summer will mark 5 years since I first set foot in an LDS church and met with the missionaries (that’s a different story for a different time).

I’ve done a few posts about what it’s like to be a convert, so I apologize if I’m getting repetitive. But I never expected to have the platform I have now, so I want to use it for good. There’s so much I wish I had known back when I started investigating and then after I converted, and so much I needed to hear. I hope that by saying some of that here now, I can spare someone a little of the suckyness that comes from converting. And I don’t think it applies just to converts. So, here are some of the things I wish I had known as an investigator/new convert/member-whose- bishop-said-she-is-no-longer-a-“new-covert”-but-she-is-still-trying-to-find-her-way-and-kind-of-resents-Bishop-for-saying-that

1.    You didn’t make a mistake.

2.     Mormons have their own language (RM= returned missionary, RS= Relief Society, EQ= Elder’s Quorum, YM/YW=Young Men/Young Women’s, the U= University of Utah, the Y= BYU (or a hiking trail in Provo that I’m told is lovely), ZL= Zone Leader, FGSJSTWPBYDMI= For Goodness Sake, Just Say The Whole Phrase Because You’re Driving Me Insane (I made that last one up) )

3.     You will not be kicked out of the church for hating jell-o, not playing the piano, not having blonde hair, not liking Jane Austen, not going to BYU, or not bawling your eyes out whenever you speak in church. You’re allowed to be different.

4.     You have talents of your own. Use them. We need them, and we need you.

5.     Most members are not jerks. If someone said or did something hurtful, don’t lick your wounds- tell them. They probably didn’t realize what they did, and will want the chance to make things right.

6.     Some people, however, are jerks. Walk away. You don’t need them. (Mormons are humans. They’re not perfect and the church has not yet adopted a No-Jerks-Allowed policy, despite my letter writing campaign)

7.     You can ask for help. It’s allowed. In fact, I encourage it.

7.5 Don’t be afraid to pop your hand in the air and ask questions if you have no idea what is going on or if someone said the most annoying phrase in all of Mormondom- “I’m sure you all know this…..” Stand up for yourself and your right to understand things.

8.     Pray. A lot.

9.     Don’t be ashamed of converting, and don’t be scared to share your faith. Amazing things can happen if you do. If people aren’t nice when you do, see #6

10. You won’t know everything. I’ve been at this for almost 5 years and I’m still learning. Most life-long members still are (if not, they’re probably super arrogant and again might warrant a review of #6). Try not to get discouraged. Learning is what makes this whole journey interesting.

11. Do your visiting/home teaching. Do your calling. You will learn so much, and be blessed for your service. It’s also a great way to find your place in the church.

12. Journal.  My biggest regret is having not journaled more during this time. It will be a huge blessing to be able to look back on past experiences and remember why you are doing this, and how you have seen G-d’s hand in your life. It’s also cool to look back and see how far you’ve come.

13. (this one is important, so pay attention) It’s going to suck for a while. I don’t know any convert for whom the first year to year-and-a-half weren’t full of incredibly hard trials, feelings of isolation, and longing looks back. They say this is because Satan attacks. I think it’s also because G-d wants to make sure you appreciate and protect your testimony; if you have to work to keep it, it will mean so much more. But, it will get better. And, I promise, it is worth it, so please don’t give up.

14. You’re not alone. When things are hard, you can always turn to your savior, and to your Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance. Your bishop, visiting/home teachers, missionaries, and friends, are all resources for you. You can also reach out to me (Amenalready@yahoo.com) . I’ve been there. We converts have to stick together.

I just feel like she has some things right and she continues to look in the right perspective. So glad that out of humor I can find gems like these.

I figured it out, and I kinda feel like a genius.

This is someone's definition of why they love summer.

I read this and I thought, "This sounds like the last few weeks at college."
So I finally get it - the reason why college is so fun is because it's like summer ALL THE TIME. Except the whole school thing, that kinda sucks. Can't they just hand me a diploma already?