Finals

It has really been something else. So many emotions flow through you during these stressful times. I was elated when I saw the score for my Hist201 test. Last night, I was at the lowest low after hours of studying and I saw the less-than-satisfactory grades from my calc and chem finals. I felt like sleeping. I felt like my eyeballs were gonna fall out of my head and my brain was melted from the hours and hours of studying and testing and studying and testing and writing and studying and testing.
And there were times when I wanted to give up.
I didn't though. I didn't do all that great (for my standards). But at the end of the day I completed another semester (that's 4 down with my AP credits - shout out to CLHS for rockin' those classes).

And even if my grades say otherwise I learned a lot!
I learned about chemistry - understanding the world around me.
I learned about history - trade, religion, and biological warfare (and they didn't even test me on the last one)
I learned about mental and psychological issues and was able to apply the skills and resources in my life and the lives of those around me.
I learned about calculus - still don't know when you'd ever use it in life but hey, I learned some pretty cool tricks and I even made a friend in a class and I lost a bet too.
I learned more about my Savior's life, his Atonement, temples, and my testimony from my wonderful professor than I have in a long time.
I learned where I struggle and where I excel.
I got closer to declaring a major.
I learned that I choose sleep over class more often than not.

And learning is what's important. Knowledge is what rises with us in the resurrection. It can make a poor man rich and I truly believe that and education is the most important investment we can make in ourselves. And so, when I get those grades I'll be happy with what they are.
A's don't mean that I know the most in that class. It just means I tested well and followed the syllabus. But I know I learned something. Even if's not anything huge, or something that I'll forget in two weeks. It made a difference to me in this moment.

Peter, My Brother

Peter heard the constant flow of divinity in the ceaseless unfolding of the way of life. He grasped many lessons readily but had difficulty in understanding the experiences that had never before occurred on earth. He perceived the darkening shadow and the lowering clouds but could not fully comprehend their meaning. No personage in his experience had ever given his life in this manner. No soul on earth had ever been resurrected. It took time for these awesome truths to penetrate his mind. It was hard for him to think of spiritual leadership only. Peter expected Christ to take the sword and redeem Israel. But when Gethsemane was passed, when Golgotha was a hard nightmare, when the Lord had risen and ascended, and when the Comforter had come, the great compelling truth burst forth and was impressed upon his mind. The miscellaneous tiles were now set into a beautiful pattern. The mosaic was a glorious reality; and Peter, James and John and their associates went forth to convert a hard, resisting world.
-Spencer W. Kimball

Read the whole talk here. Seriously, do it. It's awesome.

We live, we learn. We crash and burn.

Y'all know H, right?

Um, babe much, am I right? Really this post has less to do about her and more about our conversations.

H is getting ready to serve a mission. I'm at BYU.
We both blog.
Mama Hen, Momma Goose.
We both turned 19 this year.
And we both learned a lot.

It's hard to explain sometimes, how much we've grown.

To sum it up:

To my self,
When you go our and don't come home until 6 am embrace it.
When you don't sleep, complain. But gain perspective that you did something worthwhile.
When you break down because you can't follow someone's thought process, eat the Phish Food and call the friend that's always been there.
Swoon for those kids that look like they're 12 just because they can sing. Also, they're legal.
Be inspired.
Recognize the importance of people before they're gone.
Enjoy the attention but protect yourself. Humans are imperfect. Don't hold someone to too high of a standard.
It's okay to be conceited. You're freaking worth it. You deserve an equal.
Age is just a number. Some people take longer to realize it than others.
"I was dumb. I learned and I grew."
Take every moment and let it be a learning experience.

Above all else?
#yolo
#iaintevenmad
#wishicared
#hashtag

Change

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing
with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some
gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part
of the process of becoming a butterfly.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me
when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”

And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 6775.)


I guess this RA studying stuff is good for something.

For the whole talk about change by Wendy Watson, click here.

This year

It's almost over 

WHAT.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I sat in my room balling my eyes out with Lady K because we had no friends and hated it here and wanted to be home and missed our family and the sky was falling and the world was coming to an end?

First night at school, say what?

 That was eight months ago.

And now the thought of going home is killing me. I mean I have the BEST people in my life - hands down. H, A, K, L, and the plethora of boys lining up at my door (don't even get me started on how many marriage proposals I've had this year, I mean really*). And now I've gotta go home and put all that on hold and work and make money and do some leadership stuff on the side because that's kinda my thing. I just got settled in and started enjoying, well, everything and now I'm out. And 99.9% of the people I met won't be here next year - THOSE FREAKING MISSIONS. Good thing I love this Church as much as I do and I'm okay with it. I also don't want to be struck down by lightning...

I feel like I've learned a lot. No so much in my classes but those were cool, too. More about me. And I realized how much I love this time in my life and how I don't want it to end and I don't want to grow up and I want to be able to stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun, you feel me?

It's just been some great time. Some awesome, fantastic, truly wonderful memories. And this 3-month break is going to SUUUUUUCK.

I now present to you: A Year in Pictures (The Condensed Version)

First Friends! Love them always and forever. 

Cutest Roommates you ever did see. #Jackpot

First (and LAST) time hiking the Y.

First Homecoming! True Blue. Thanks for making me go, BM.

First time having all four seasons! (Sometimes all in one day... Oh Utah.)

First real winter. Guys, I'm still alive. Shocking to even me!

Christmas at Temple Square with my lovers. Oh, that night. Memories. 

Ice skating! Still my dream date. Take note, boys, I'm easy to please.

It felt like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters. But it was really cold...

Did you know if you sit in the right place at lunch time in the CougarEat approximately 2012839201438247 people will come to talk to you about country dancing and hungry face competitions and BYU/SA?

Just a mid-week drive to Salt Lake. Gotta look hot, you know what I'm saying?

*Yeah, no that's a joke. So sorry for the disappointment. But I made it through my first year without a ring on it! Yes, it can be done! Actually, none of my friends got engaged this year. #foreveraloneattheCannonCenter

The Internet

So I'm sitting here at the delightfully perfect time of 12:20 in the morning thinking about how I should go to bed, but clearly I procrastinate even that. And I'm stalking one of my favorite blogs - definitely could be THE fav. Anyway, I'm sitting there just catching up on posts because it's been a while and I realize how weird the internet is. Like I don't know if anyone else has noticed it, and it definitely didn't hit me until today. But there are just so many weird things about the internet!
It makes stalking easier.
It didn't exist until fairly recently, but now it seems like a staple.
It's definitely required to succeed in college now (sort of bittersweet, I suppose).
Do we even know how to communicate without it?
And yet, here I am writing about the internet on the internet because I'm too lazy to pull out a pen and pencil and write it all down. So yes, I recognize the irony in all the words written up to this point.
I really don't know where I'm going with this, but I feel like I definitely have some thoughts about it now I guess.

Ps. I shouldn't be allowed to function after 12. For evidence, read above post.

Sunday Night Letters

Well, at least I'm consistent at being inconsistent (You like that? See what I did there? Mindblowing, right?)
Sometimes when I'm procrastinating (I seem to blog a lot in light of procrastination), I stalk other blogs, and then I'm like, I need to write a new blog post! It's been awhile! So obviously I'm going to do that.
And then I'm like, well dang it. Now I need something to write about. And then I think and think and think.

And a lot of that thinking is spewed out onto this blog. Because that way I can go back and laugh at myself, and ya'll will forget about it in a few days anyway.

So, here are my thoughts for the moment:

Dear Utah,
You're growing on me. It's kinda scary but I love it.

Dear Disneyland,
I MISS YOU SO MUCH. Why is this separation so great??

Dear Anatomy/Ochem,
You're kicking my butt. I hope you appreciate the tears. But you're going down. Brittani doesn't do badly in classes. It's just not okay with me.

Dear Mama Hen,
Sorry I didn't bring you Oj and ice cream when you were sick. Hopefully all my other freaking awesome character traits make up for my slip. Sorry lovie!

Dear you,
Hey it's my birthday soon. And I'm getting pretty excited. Just sayin.

PS.
Just in case you want to laugh:

You'd think the Utahns would get used to the snow. Guess not. Haha

Science and Religion

Two things that at first don't seem related. In fact, many believe it is better to separate science and religion as much as possible. That the two are incompatible and they actually contradict each other...

I'm currently taking PDBio 220, which at BYU is human anatomy with a cadaver lab. And each time I attend that class (three times a week in case you were wondering) my testimony grows. I won't lie - I was one of those people who thought that science and religion could coexist and that, yes, I'm religious but I can believe in the sciences as well. But the more I study them, the more I realize that they not only coexist, but are codependent. 

How wonderful it is to go to a school where that is so blatantly obvious! I can never know for sure if taking anatomy would have the same impact on me elsewhere, but I can say that going to a religious school and having religion so fully integrated in my studies is such a blessing.

This may seem random. Actually, I'm sure it's completely out of left field. But I just got an email from the coordinator of the anatomy labs in which she quoted the Prophet Joseph Smith:

God Himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens! That is the great secret. If the veil were rent today, and the great God who holds this world in its orbit, and who upholds all worlds and all things by His power, was to make Himself visible,—I say, if you were to see Him today, you would see Him like a man in form—like yourselves in all the person, image, and very form as a man; for Adam was created in the very fashion, image and likeness of God, and received instruction from, and walked, talked and conversed with Him, as one man talks and communes with another (Teachings: Joseph Smith, 2007, 40).

She went on to comment, "Isn't it humbling to know that when we are studying the human body we are also studying the anatomy of God?"

Every once in a while I just have those "Aha" moments here on campus and that was one of them. I'm so grateful to have this perspective in my learning, and I know that I'm growing in my studies of both my religion and my education. I feel like things just make more sense this way, you know?

(If you are curious about the "Mormon terms" used here, follow the links!)

Maybe Utah Isn't That Bad After All

The View From Window

In fact, I think I might've gotten pretty lucky.