Happiness is...

As an RA, I'm required to take a 2-credit class that is basically job training through the semester. We learn practical skills such as what to do in emergencies, but every Tuesday we meet with a psychologist as a class and she teaches us different things to look for with mental health aspects of our job. (This isn't to say we assess and diagnose, but rather that we have resources for when our residents have questions).

This week we talked about happiness.

According to a study, our happiness can be broken down into 3 aspects: biological, circumstantial, and personal choices.
10% of our happiness is circumstantial.
50% is biological.
40% is our personal choices.

This literally means our happiness is dependent on our choosing. WE decide whether or not we want to be happy!

This got me to thinking about the past year. Things have definitely changed. And I've definitely noticed it throughout the semester, but it smacked me in the face yesterday.

Because yesterday it snowed.

And I was happy about it. 

Yeah. You read it right. 

I. Was. Happy.

And I told A and N and they realized what a big deal this was and gave me a hug like I'd won some sort of competition.

And I guess in a way I had. I'd conquered my fears and my hesitation and my setbacks and my worries and I had final embraced my situation and realized how AMAZING my life is and how incredibly blessed I am. It's really remarkable.

And it may not mean a lot to you, but it means everything to me.

We live, we learn. We crash and burn.

Y'all know H, right?

Um, babe much, am I right? Really this post has less to do about her and more about our conversations.

H is getting ready to serve a mission. I'm at BYU.
We both blog.
Mama Hen, Momma Goose.
We both turned 19 this year.
And we both learned a lot.

It's hard to explain sometimes, how much we've grown.

To sum it up:

To my self,
When you go our and don't come home until 6 am embrace it.
When you don't sleep, complain. But gain perspective that you did something worthwhile.
When you break down because you can't follow someone's thought process, eat the Phish Food and call the friend that's always been there.
Swoon for those kids that look like they're 12 just because they can sing. Also, they're legal.
Be inspired.
Recognize the importance of people before they're gone.
Enjoy the attention but protect yourself. Humans are imperfect. Don't hold someone to too high of a standard.
It's okay to be conceited. You're freaking worth it. You deserve an equal.
Age is just a number. Some people take longer to realize it than others.
"I was dumb. I learned and I grew."
Take every moment and let it be a learning experience.

Above all else?
#yolo
#iaintevenmad
#wishicared
#hashtag

"Stand ye in Holy Places"

The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls, those who are sick in soul and spirit and are downhearted and distraught, on the verge of nervous breakdowns. We are are reaching out to all such, because they are precious in the sight of the Lord, and we want no one to feel that they are forgotten...
You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul.

-President Harold B. Lee

Love It Like A Little Kid

For the original article, click here.

I’ve met a couple of young children in the past couple weeks (some family friends, some coming to shows, some just at the grocery store that I follow around for a few isles before their parents give me looks), and after spending enough time around them, and comparing myself to them (which I realize is a weird impulse), I came to a sad realization:

I don’t love anything the way they love everything.

For instance, I watched one of them just go nuts with this balloon. From the minute he found it, he was completely in love with the balloon. Nothing could tear away his attention. Any cares he had prior to the balloon (probably not many, to be fair), were completely washed away. You could have offered him a magical ride on a golden carpet made of french fries, and he probably still would have chosen to stay there and just mess around with this balloon.

Nowadays, even when I find something that makes me feel the way that I think that balloon probably made him feel (Michigan football, steak sandwiches, Fall weather, new Drake songs, etc), I can’t love it like that. I can’t have that same reaction. I’m happy, but not little-kid-with-a-balloon-or-a-puppy-or-the-thought-of-ice-cream-happy. I’m happy, but I’m distracted.

Here’s the difference: kid happiness blinds you to everything else. Modern happiness (for me, at least) just feels like a temporary break from my permanent march toward something else: obligations, sleep, death? Kid love is everything, modern love is just…something.

So, now fully self-aware of that shortcoming, I’ve started trying something. Now, when something that I love happens, I try to fully immerse myself in it. I try not to think about it as temporary: it’s what I’m doing so it’s everything that I am.

And it didn’t really work with the Michigan game on Saturday or the steak sandwich I bought at Subway the other day. It didn’t really work with anything until I tried it on stage the other night. I was performing, a job that I love, and I let myself just do that. I tried not to worry about how much water I was drinking, my posture, my banter, where I was placing the sound when I was singing, how I was holding the microphone, and I just let myself be right exactly where I was.

And, as the kid and his balloon would confirm, it worked! Before I knew it, I wasn’t thinking about any of those things. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just letting myself do nothing but love what I was doing. And all of my worldly concerned and long-term fears were gone.  I never understood that “in that moment, I felt infinite” line from Perks of Being a Wallflower, but I got it then, and I think that the key, at least for me, to getting it, was thinking about that little kid with the balloon.

My conclusion was this: if you let yourself love the things you love SO MUCH that for a temporary period of time forget that it’s a temporary period of time, you’ll love it exactly like you’re supposed to: like a little kid.

-Paradise Fears

They opened for Parachute and were sososo nerd-tastically cute, but I just really loved this post.

In a university of 30,000 people, it sure can be easy to feel so alone.

But I sure am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
"I am sure at one time or another we have all thought it would be nice to take up residence in a land filled only with days of picture-perfect seasons and avoid the unpleasant times in between.

But this is not possible. Nor is it desirable. ...

The question is not whether we will experience seasons of adversity but how we will weather the storms.

Sometimes we cannot understand why difficult, even unfair, things happen in life. But as followers of Christ, we trust that if we “search diligently, pray always, and be believing, … all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly” (D&C 90:24; emphasis added).

Still, we will have to pass through all seasons—both pleasant and painful. But no matter the season, as followers of Jesus the Christ, we will rest our hope upon Him as we walk toward His light."

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985):
“If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective. …
“Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?”

The First and Great Commandment

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment." (Matt. 22: 37-38)

In the words of President Ezra Taft Benson, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

Axel Revisited

Sometimes we send each other pictures of how gorgeous we are. 

I'm just so incredibly proud of him. It sucks not being able to talk to him everyday and I wish that he wasn't all the way in UKRAINE but I know that they are blessed to have him and the Lord knows that that is where he needs to be. Every week I get an email or two from him (one that he sends out to everyone in his contacts and one personal one if he has some extra time) and it's amazing to me how many miracles he encounters every week. I don't know why people say miracles only happened when Christ walked the earth because I know any LDS missionary can tell you they've witnessed them personally in their own lives. (Other members have also seen miracles too - don't want to discredit them.)
It's crazy to think that church send out 19-year-old boys (now 18!!) to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. It seems like there is quite a lot of pressure on them in doing so but some how they manage to do it and when they come back they come back as men.
Now, the church has lowered the age for girls to serve as well from 21 to 19 and the increase in missionaries has been so drastic that 58 new missions were created and more MTCs are being opened and just at the Provo MTC alone, housing has had to be increased.
I'm just in awe of the boys and girls willingness to serve and am proud to be a part of this church. I know that this Gospel is true and that spending time away from their families is bringing people to be with their own for eternity.

Renaming the Blog

Quite honestly I've been thinking about renaming it for a while. Mainly because I wasn't a starving college student in the making anymore, I was the starving college student. I know it's like not kosher or whatever to change the title of something after it's been shown, but at the same time I feel justified in saying that it was just a working title.
As I change so does what I write/care about. So why shouldn't I be able to switch things up?

Why "Adventure is Out There"? I think it's pretty clear if you just read some of the post below. I'm still a teenager for the time being and then I'll be in my 20s and from what everyone tells me I just have to live it up. So adventures are coming for me, and I'll be looking for 'em. I've got quite a few under my belt already and I just get excited now for the future - it's not so scary anymore.

Change

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing
with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some
gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part
of the process of becoming a butterfly.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me
when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”

And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 6775.)


I guess this RA studying stuff is good for something.

For the whole talk about change by Wendy Watson, click here.

There's this blog H, A, and I love...

Called "Just Say Amen Already". And it's super hilarious because as a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she is able to see all the weird or off-beat things about being a Mormon. And sometimes it's just nice to be able to recognize that yes, we are different and yes, that's okay. And if you can't accept it, it's going to make those who mock you winners because you'll begin to give in and believe what they say and feel that you're wrong and they're right.

Well I wasn't expecting to go that way but it did. Anywhoooooo

This blogger wrote this post recently and while she addressed it to converts to the Church I feel that it most definitely applies to all of us on our journey of spiritual progression. She says:


This summer will mark 5 years since I first set foot in an LDS church and met with the missionaries (that’s a different story for a different time).

I’ve done a few posts about what it’s like to be a convert, so I apologize if I’m getting repetitive. But I never expected to have the platform I have now, so I want to use it for good. There’s so much I wish I had known back when I started investigating and then after I converted, and so much I needed to hear. I hope that by saying some of that here now, I can spare someone a little of the suckyness that comes from converting. And I don’t think it applies just to converts. So, here are some of the things I wish I had known as an investigator/new convert/member-whose- bishop-said-she-is-no-longer-a-“new-covert”-but-she-is-still-trying-to-find-her-way-and-kind-of-resents-Bishop-for-saying-that

1.    You didn’t make a mistake.

2.     Mormons have their own language (RM= returned missionary, RS= Relief Society, EQ= Elder’s Quorum, YM/YW=Young Men/Young Women’s, the U= University of Utah, the Y= BYU (or a hiking trail in Provo that I’m told is lovely), ZL= Zone Leader, FGSJSTWPBYDMI= For Goodness Sake, Just Say The Whole Phrase Because You’re Driving Me Insane (I made that last one up) )

3.     You will not be kicked out of the church for hating jell-o, not playing the piano, not having blonde hair, not liking Jane Austen, not going to BYU, or not bawling your eyes out whenever you speak in church. You’re allowed to be different.

4.     You have talents of your own. Use them. We need them, and we need you.

5.     Most members are not jerks. If someone said or did something hurtful, don’t lick your wounds- tell them. They probably didn’t realize what they did, and will want the chance to make things right.

6.     Some people, however, are jerks. Walk away. You don’t need them. (Mormons are humans. They’re not perfect and the church has not yet adopted a No-Jerks-Allowed policy, despite my letter writing campaign)

7.     You can ask for help. It’s allowed. In fact, I encourage it.

7.5 Don’t be afraid to pop your hand in the air and ask questions if you have no idea what is going on or if someone said the most annoying phrase in all of Mormondom- “I’m sure you all know this…..” Stand up for yourself and your right to understand things.

8.     Pray. A lot.

9.     Don’t be ashamed of converting, and don’t be scared to share your faith. Amazing things can happen if you do. If people aren’t nice when you do, see #6

10. You won’t know everything. I’ve been at this for almost 5 years and I’m still learning. Most life-long members still are (if not, they’re probably super arrogant and again might warrant a review of #6). Try not to get discouraged. Learning is what makes this whole journey interesting.

11. Do your visiting/home teaching. Do your calling. You will learn so much, and be blessed for your service. It’s also a great way to find your place in the church.

12. Journal.  My biggest regret is having not journaled more during this time. It will be a huge blessing to be able to look back on past experiences and remember why you are doing this, and how you have seen G-d’s hand in your life. It’s also cool to look back and see how far you’ve come.

13. (this one is important, so pay attention) It’s going to suck for a while. I don’t know any convert for whom the first year to year-and-a-half weren’t full of incredibly hard trials, feelings of isolation, and longing looks back. They say this is because Satan attacks. I think it’s also because G-d wants to make sure you appreciate and protect your testimony; if you have to work to keep it, it will mean so much more. But, it will get better. And, I promise, it is worth it, so please don’t give up.

14. You’re not alone. When things are hard, you can always turn to your savior, and to your Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance. Your bishop, visiting/home teachers, missionaries, and friends, are all resources for you. You can also reach out to me (Amenalready@yahoo.com) . I’ve been there. We converts have to stick together.

I just feel like she has some things right and she continues to look in the right perspective. So glad that out of humor I can find gems like these.

The end.

There's really no other way to describe it. It's just the end. The end of the beginning I suppose. Haley and I are busy deep cleaning and packing and whatnot. Cleaning out the shoebox we call home. And that's what it's become - the 3103, Provo, BYU - home. I know I'm going "home" to California. But I'm going there with suitcases and a set date to come back. And I'm okay with it. I waited for this day with anticipation since day one. And I can't believe it's here and if I'm being honest, I wish it wasn't. I could sit here and make a list of all the things I wish I would've/could've done before I left, things that I could add to the Freshman Year Bucket List. Instead, I'm just so grateful for the things that I was able to do and accomplish while I was here. And now I sit in anxiously awaiting when I can get back to P-town. It'll be a fantastic end to my summer with Camp Kesem and then swinging right in to RA training. Oh yeah guys, I'm going to be an RA! Next Fall and Winter semesters I'll be living in Freshman On-Campus housing so that they'll pay for my things (housing and meal plan) and so I can help some girls navigate their Freshman year. That'll be interesting!

As for this summer, I'm going to try and figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a few ideas, and I know I have time, but really feel like I can do it. It's a "me summer". I have a few goals in mind, a job lined up, and some quality reading time to catch up on. And I can't tell you how great it all sounds.

This year

It's almost over 

WHAT.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I sat in my room balling my eyes out with Lady K because we had no friends and hated it here and wanted to be home and missed our family and the sky was falling and the world was coming to an end?

First night at school, say what?

 That was eight months ago.

And now the thought of going home is killing me. I mean I have the BEST people in my life - hands down. H, A, K, L, and the plethora of boys lining up at my door (don't even get me started on how many marriage proposals I've had this year, I mean really*). And now I've gotta go home and put all that on hold and work and make money and do some leadership stuff on the side because that's kinda my thing. I just got settled in and started enjoying, well, everything and now I'm out. And 99.9% of the people I met won't be here next year - THOSE FREAKING MISSIONS. Good thing I love this Church as much as I do and I'm okay with it. I also don't want to be struck down by lightning...

I feel like I've learned a lot. No so much in my classes but those were cool, too. More about me. And I realized how much I love this time in my life and how I don't want it to end and I don't want to grow up and I want to be able to stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun, you feel me?

It's just been some great time. Some awesome, fantastic, truly wonderful memories. And this 3-month break is going to SUUUUUUCK.

I now present to you: A Year in Pictures (The Condensed Version)

First Friends! Love them always and forever. 

Cutest Roommates you ever did see. #Jackpot

First (and LAST) time hiking the Y.

First Homecoming! True Blue. Thanks for making me go, BM.

First time having all four seasons! (Sometimes all in one day... Oh Utah.)

First real winter. Guys, I'm still alive. Shocking to even me!

Christmas at Temple Square with my lovers. Oh, that night. Memories. 

Ice skating! Still my dream date. Take note, boys, I'm easy to please.

It felt like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters. But it was really cold...

Did you know if you sit in the right place at lunch time in the CougarEat approximately 2012839201438247 people will come to talk to you about country dancing and hungry face competitions and BYU/SA?

Just a mid-week drive to Salt Lake. Gotta look hot, you know what I'm saying?

*Yeah, no that's a joke. So sorry for the disappointment. But I made it through my first year without a ring on it! Yes, it can be done! Actually, none of my friends got engaged this year. #foreveraloneattheCannonCenter

Things like these

First of all, click here.

Did you click it? Yes?

If you just watched a crappily recorded video of a few kids dressed in purple doing the Harlem Shake, you just watched something I'm very proud of.
I wasn't a part of it, I didn't witness it, and I wasn't there. But when I saw it I was touched.

Those are kids at my high school - Clear Lake High School.

They're supporting Relay for Life, an event that raises money for cancer research and funding for cancer patients through the American Cancer Society.

And they got involved. Two years in a row, CLHS has been the host of the event. And participation has skyrocketed, funds increase every year, and I am continually amazed.

I'm so grateful to have come from such a wonderful place where people are so giving and teach their children to be giving. They recognize needs in the community and seek to fill them. That's something I have yet to find here at BYU and I feel few people could ever truly understand the impact of that small town.

I'm loving my new life here in Provo, but there isn't a day that goes by where I'm not thankful for my little lakeside town in Northern California that taught me some of the most important values in my life.

CLHS IN THE NEWS

Operation Tango Mike
Photo Credit: Ginny Craven

CLHS Grads Helping at OTM
Photo Credit: Ginny Craven

Credit: CLHS Newsletter

Credit: CLHS Newsletter

Paint the Stands Pink - Breast Cancer Awareness
Credit: CLHS Website

The Internet

So I'm sitting here at the delightfully perfect time of 12:20 in the morning thinking about how I should go to bed, but clearly I procrastinate even that. And I'm stalking one of my favorite blogs - definitely could be THE fav. Anyway, I'm sitting there just catching up on posts because it's been a while and I realize how weird the internet is. Like I don't know if anyone else has noticed it, and it definitely didn't hit me until today. But there are just so many weird things about the internet!
It makes stalking easier.
It didn't exist until fairly recently, but now it seems like a staple.
It's definitely required to succeed in college now (sort of bittersweet, I suppose).
Do we even know how to communicate without it?
And yet, here I am writing about the internet on the internet because I'm too lazy to pull out a pen and pencil and write it all down. So yes, I recognize the irony in all the words written up to this point.
I really don't know where I'm going with this, but I feel like I definitely have some thoughts about it now I guess.

Ps. I shouldn't be allowed to function after 12. For evidence, read above post.

Camp Kesem

There are 1.7 million cancer cases a year in the United States that affect individuals and their families. The support is there for grown-ups; but the special emotional needs of children of adult cancer patients have been overlooked. Simply put: kids are often left to deal with these personal tragedies on their own; and if parents themselves are struggling with illness, their sons and daughters frequently miss the simple joys of childhood.

Since 2000, Camp Kesem has given children affected by a parent’s cancer the opportunity to just be kids.  The ever-expanding Kesem community engages in camp activities like sports, arts and crafts, and drama to give campers a fun-filled week.  Campers also participate in “Cabin Chats” with fellow campers and counselors, giving children the chance to share their experiences with each other.  There are plenty of laughs and lots of emotional support, but Camp Kesem does not provide therapy.  The tremendous fun and support campers experience is what makes Camp Kesem a transformative, magical week for campers and counselors alike.

Due to the financial burden placed on families coping with cancer, Camp Kesem camp programs are offered free of charge. Families are invited to donate to support Camp Kesem.

If you wish to donate to Camp Kesem, click here.

Don't forget! If you are in the Provo area on March 14th, check out this event.

"Just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while."

Sometimes, Becca sends me links.
And then I sit and procrastinate.

Sometimes they're just to make me laugh.
Inside jokes and the like.

But sometimes they make me think about life.
The good.
The bad.
The ugly.

But mostly, they make me realize what a lucky girl I am to be living this life - MY LIFE.

Check out this one. 

Science and Religion

Two things that at first don't seem related. In fact, many believe it is better to separate science and religion as much as possible. That the two are incompatible and they actually contradict each other...

I'm currently taking PDBio 220, which at BYU is human anatomy with a cadaver lab. And each time I attend that class (three times a week in case you were wondering) my testimony grows. I won't lie - I was one of those people who thought that science and religion could coexist and that, yes, I'm religious but I can believe in the sciences as well. But the more I study them, the more I realize that they not only coexist, but are codependent. 

How wonderful it is to go to a school where that is so blatantly obvious! I can never know for sure if taking anatomy would have the same impact on me elsewhere, but I can say that going to a religious school and having religion so fully integrated in my studies is such a blessing.

This may seem random. Actually, I'm sure it's completely out of left field. But I just got an email from the coordinator of the anatomy labs in which she quoted the Prophet Joseph Smith:

God Himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens! That is the great secret. If the veil were rent today, and the great God who holds this world in its orbit, and who upholds all worlds and all things by His power, was to make Himself visible,—I say, if you were to see Him today, you would see Him like a man in form—like yourselves in all the person, image, and very form as a man; for Adam was created in the very fashion, image and likeness of God, and received instruction from, and walked, talked and conversed with Him, as one man talks and communes with another (Teachings: Joseph Smith, 2007, 40).

She went on to comment, "Isn't it humbling to know that when we are studying the human body we are also studying the anatomy of God?"

Every once in a while I just have those "Aha" moments here on campus and that was one of them. I'm so grateful to have this perspective in my learning, and I know that I'm growing in my studies of both my religion and my education. I feel like things just make more sense this way, you know?

(If you are curious about the "Mormon terms" used here, follow the links!)