Finals

It has really been something else. So many emotions flow through you during these stressful times. I was elated when I saw the score for my Hist201 test. Last night, I was at the lowest low after hours of studying and I saw the less-than-satisfactory grades from my calc and chem finals. I felt like sleeping. I felt like my eyeballs were gonna fall out of my head and my brain was melted from the hours and hours of studying and testing and studying and testing and writing and studying and testing.
And there were times when I wanted to give up.
I didn't though. I didn't do all that great (for my standards). But at the end of the day I completed another semester (that's 4 down with my AP credits - shout out to CLHS for rockin' those classes).

And even if my grades say otherwise I learned a lot!
I learned about chemistry - understanding the world around me.
I learned about history - trade, religion, and biological warfare (and they didn't even test me on the last one)
I learned about mental and psychological issues and was able to apply the skills and resources in my life and the lives of those around me.
I learned about calculus - still don't know when you'd ever use it in life but hey, I learned some pretty cool tricks and I even made a friend in a class and I lost a bet too.
I learned more about my Savior's life, his Atonement, temples, and my testimony from my wonderful professor than I have in a long time.
I learned where I struggle and where I excel.
I got closer to declaring a major.
I learned that I choose sleep over class more often than not.

And learning is what's important. Knowledge is what rises with us in the resurrection. It can make a poor man rich and I truly believe that and education is the most important investment we can make in ourselves. And so, when I get those grades I'll be happy with what they are.
A's don't mean that I know the most in that class. It just means I tested well and followed the syllabus. But I know I learned something. Even if's not anything huge, or something that I'll forget in two weeks. It made a difference to me in this moment.

Peter, My Brother

Peter heard the constant flow of divinity in the ceaseless unfolding of the way of life. He grasped many lessons readily but had difficulty in understanding the experiences that had never before occurred on earth. He perceived the darkening shadow and the lowering clouds but could not fully comprehend their meaning. No personage in his experience had ever given his life in this manner. No soul on earth had ever been resurrected. It took time for these awesome truths to penetrate his mind. It was hard for him to think of spiritual leadership only. Peter expected Christ to take the sword and redeem Israel. But when Gethsemane was passed, when Golgotha was a hard nightmare, when the Lord had risen and ascended, and when the Comforter had come, the great compelling truth burst forth and was impressed upon his mind. The miscellaneous tiles were now set into a beautiful pattern. The mosaic was a glorious reality; and Peter, James and John and their associates went forth to convert a hard, resisting world.
-Spencer W. Kimball

Read the whole talk here. Seriously, do it. It's awesome.

The Life Lately

To enjoy this post to maximum capacity, click here. 

A picture homage to the life of Brittani lately:

 Me and N! Love that little man. 

Me and E. This kid cracks me up!

 Seriously looks like a death trap, but I couldn't be happier. Who am I?

My car's there somewhere, right?

 Lots of good memories in Fugal Hall :( Sad it's gone!

 This is what a date for Brittani and Jason looks like. 

 #ckfamily

 Waiting to get x-rays because.....

 My ankle looked like that. 

Now it looks like this. Which is actually better. It just looks so beautiful. :')
(Props to the nurse/doctor/radiologist for containing their laughs as I told the story of how it happened)

 It snowed! (Find the Y)

 And I was ecstatic!! 

Classic Christmas Fun.

Okay I think that's all.

Truth.

Like, guys. I've had to cut myself off from Target.

I wanna illustrate chocolate.

Not really. But I love this theory:

Life sure is funny, you get a civil engineering degree only to realize it's not what you want to do. Sometimes, plans don't always work out. If you want to go do something, be the best at it. A friend told me a story of someone who gets paid to illustrate chocolate and is busy with jobs. Go out and illustrate that chocolate folks! - Matt Maniego

I Have Never Been So Thankful

I'm in one of those euphoric states. Literally everything in my life brings me joy - sometimes it just takes longer to remember it. And I can spam all of you with my immense gratitude because it's Thanksgiving. And so begins the list...

Brittani's Gratitude List (<yep. I'm 5 years old)

*Christmas music. It just brings such happiness mainly because I'm thinking about home and family and more holiday memories.

*My friends and the wonderful people they are. I'm grateful for when they cook for me. For when they know something's wrong. For when they make feel better. For when they remind me to find happiness. For when they tell me to stop being stupid and brush myself off. And for when I can do the exact same to them.

*Words. It's amazing the impact that words have - written or spoken, they can change things around completely. And I've realized the last few days how many people turn these words into art that moves me. 

*My job. I complain about it more than I should. It's in the late hours of the night sitting on the floor with my girls talking about life, love, and everything under the sun that I realize why I do what I do. And more importantly, why I love it.

*Camp Kesem. Camp gave me purpose. Camp reminded me what I love about life. It brought back the happiness in my life because I finally found a place where I belonged. It is SO much more than something to put on a resume. It's a family. It saved me.
*BYU. I'm here learning at a prestigious school on full-scholarship from some of the brightest people in the world. Not only do I get to increase my education, I get to grow spiritually in all that I do and be fully immersed in this Gospel that I hold so dearly. Not to mention the Temple that is right outside my window.

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was restored on this earth for ME. Well, and you too. It reminds me to keep an eternal perspective on life. It helps me to not sweat the little things. It gives me comfort when nothing else can. It gives me purpose. It gives me hope. 

*My family. The reason I started writing this post to begin with. After spending a lovely day with my Aunt and Uncle and the rest of the clan, I came home tonight to work. And I started wallowing, "Woe is me. I'm alone on Thanksgiving night. My family is far away and I'm here alone. Why me." And I realized how blessed I am. I shouldn't be pitying myself today. I should be ecstatic about all that I have been blessed with. And my family is my everything, as crazy and complicated and backwards as it can get. I would be nowhere without these beautiful people. And as cliché as that is, I mean every single word. They're my biggest cheerleaders, my greatest examples, and the funniest people I will ever have the privilege of knowing in this life. And they're all mine. Sorry, y'all. 

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, too. No matter where you were or who you were with because you have people, experiences, and encounters to be thankful for too.

By these things we know...

By these things we know that there is a God in heaven, who is infinite and eternal, from everlasting to everlasting the same unchangeable God, the framer of heaven and earth, and all things which are in them;

And that he created man, male and female, after his own image and in his own likeness, created he them;

And gave unto them commandments that they should love and serve him, the only living and true God, and that he should be the only being whom they should worship.


Doctrine and Covenants 20:17-19

Read the whole section here.

Happiness is...

As an RA, I'm required to take a 2-credit class that is basically job training through the semester. We learn practical skills such as what to do in emergencies, but every Tuesday we meet with a psychologist as a class and she teaches us different things to look for with mental health aspects of our job. (This isn't to say we assess and diagnose, but rather that we have resources for when our residents have questions).

This week we talked about happiness.

According to a study, our happiness can be broken down into 3 aspects: biological, circumstantial, and personal choices.
10% of our happiness is circumstantial.
50% is biological.
40% is our personal choices.

This literally means our happiness is dependent on our choosing. WE decide whether or not we want to be happy!

This got me to thinking about the past year. Things have definitely changed. And I've definitely noticed it throughout the semester, but it smacked me in the face yesterday.

Because yesterday it snowed.

And I was happy about it. 

Yeah. You read it right. 

I. Was. Happy.

And I told A and N and they realized what a big deal this was and gave me a hug like I'd won some sort of competition.

And I guess in a way I had. I'd conquered my fears and my hesitation and my setbacks and my worries and I had final embraced my situation and realized how AMAZING my life is and how incredibly blessed I am. It's really remarkable.

And it may not mean a lot to you, but it means everything to me.

Newsflash: I'm 19.

I pride myself on being 19 and being in the place that I am in my life. I'm mostly self-sufficient. I pay for school all on my own. I'm getting close to paying bills (but not that close because no one needs to grow up that quickly).
And I meet people that think the fact I'm 19 is a bad thing. Or a testament to immaturity. Or that I just don't understand.
And for many aspects of life that's totally 100% true.
And you might be thinking that I want to back up the other side that says no, my age is just a number. And maybe I will some other time. But I think right now it's important for me to embrace the fact that I'm ONLY 19. I have so much life left to live. I have so many things to experience. I have to remember what being 19 means outside of the bubble.
And to me, that means to be a kid while I still can, and to never let those feelings leave. Because who really wants to grow up?
So I'll eat with my Ariel & Rapunzel place settings with Amber.

I'll get excited about Disneyland and new animated kids' movies and Disney songs.
I'll eat too much food - and nothing nutritious at that.

I'll live like I'm crazy and stay out too late and not sleep enough and ditch class every once in a while.
I'll take pictures with trees.

I'll move my bed into the living room and sleep on the floor with my friends.
I'll meet new people and make new friends and lose friends and make memories.

I'LL LIVE.

I spend all this time telling people to "Let them be kids" when I talk about Camp Kesem.
Isn't it important to let me be a kid too?

We live, we learn. We crash and burn.

Y'all know H, right?

Um, babe much, am I right? Really this post has less to do about her and more about our conversations.

H is getting ready to serve a mission. I'm at BYU.
We both blog.
Mama Hen, Momma Goose.
We both turned 19 this year.
And we both learned a lot.

It's hard to explain sometimes, how much we've grown.

To sum it up:

To my self,
When you go our and don't come home until 6 am embrace it.
When you don't sleep, complain. But gain perspective that you did something worthwhile.
When you break down because you can't follow someone's thought process, eat the Phish Food and call the friend that's always been there.
Swoon for those kids that look like they're 12 just because they can sing. Also, they're legal.
Be inspired.
Recognize the importance of people before they're gone.
Enjoy the attention but protect yourself. Humans are imperfect. Don't hold someone to too high of a standard.
It's okay to be conceited. You're freaking worth it. You deserve an equal.
Age is just a number. Some people take longer to realize it than others.
"I was dumb. I learned and I grew."
Take every moment and let it be a learning experience.

Above all else?
#yolo
#iaintevenmad
#wishicared
#hashtag

There's Those Moments On Campus When I Hear Things And Think, "Only at BYU..."

Like today, when I was walking to my last class and I hear a guy shouting into the phone, "IN THE ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE OF THINGS..." and he proceeded to shout while I carried on my merry way to class (PS I'll tell you what, class in the Benson and then in the Heritage Central Building with 10 minutes to get there is nearly impossible. Note to self for next semester).


And while I laughed to myself about the irony of what he said with the tone of which he said it, I realized that's an important motto.
The eternal perspective: what REALLY, TRULY matters?
Does it matter what we did in high school, how many things we're involved in, how many parties we've been to, the number of hours we've slept, how much money is in our bank accounts, how many friends we've had?

No.

It matters more how we carry ourselves after our experiences.

How we spend our time and the knowledge we've gained.

What did we do with our life? What did we leave behind?

How are we living now?

Do we dwell in the past? Or do we set our sights on the future? 

We keep moving forward.

"Stand ye in Holy Places"

The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls, those who are sick in soul and spirit and are downhearted and distraught, on the verge of nervous breakdowns. We are are reaching out to all such, because they are precious in the sight of the Lord, and we want no one to feel that they are forgotten...
You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul.

-President Harold B. Lee

Love It Like A Little Kid

For the original article, click here.

I’ve met a couple of young children in the past couple weeks (some family friends, some coming to shows, some just at the grocery store that I follow around for a few isles before their parents give me looks), and after spending enough time around them, and comparing myself to them (which I realize is a weird impulse), I came to a sad realization:

I don’t love anything the way they love everything.

For instance, I watched one of them just go nuts with this balloon. From the minute he found it, he was completely in love with the balloon. Nothing could tear away his attention. Any cares he had prior to the balloon (probably not many, to be fair), were completely washed away. You could have offered him a magical ride on a golden carpet made of french fries, and he probably still would have chosen to stay there and just mess around with this balloon.

Nowadays, even when I find something that makes me feel the way that I think that balloon probably made him feel (Michigan football, steak sandwiches, Fall weather, new Drake songs, etc), I can’t love it like that. I can’t have that same reaction. I’m happy, but not little-kid-with-a-balloon-or-a-puppy-or-the-thought-of-ice-cream-happy. I’m happy, but I’m distracted.

Here’s the difference: kid happiness blinds you to everything else. Modern happiness (for me, at least) just feels like a temporary break from my permanent march toward something else: obligations, sleep, death? Kid love is everything, modern love is just…something.

So, now fully self-aware of that shortcoming, I’ve started trying something. Now, when something that I love happens, I try to fully immerse myself in it. I try not to think about it as temporary: it’s what I’m doing so it’s everything that I am.

And it didn’t really work with the Michigan game on Saturday or the steak sandwich I bought at Subway the other day. It didn’t really work with anything until I tried it on stage the other night. I was performing, a job that I love, and I let myself just do that. I tried not to worry about how much water I was drinking, my posture, my banter, where I was placing the sound when I was singing, how I was holding the microphone, and I just let myself be right exactly where I was.

And, as the kid and his balloon would confirm, it worked! Before I knew it, I wasn’t thinking about any of those things. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just letting myself do nothing but love what I was doing. And all of my worldly concerned and long-term fears were gone.  I never understood that “in that moment, I felt infinite” line from Perks of Being a Wallflower, but I got it then, and I think that the key, at least for me, to getting it, was thinking about that little kid with the balloon.

My conclusion was this: if you let yourself love the things you love SO MUCH that for a temporary period of time forget that it’s a temporary period of time, you’ll love it exactly like you’re supposed to: like a little kid.

-Paradise Fears

They opened for Parachute and were sososo nerd-tastically cute, but I just really loved this post.

In a university of 30,000 people, it sure can be easy to feel so alone.

But I sure am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
"I am sure at one time or another we have all thought it would be nice to take up residence in a land filled only with days of picture-perfect seasons and avoid the unpleasant times in between.

But this is not possible. Nor is it desirable. ...

The question is not whether we will experience seasons of adversity but how we will weather the storms.

Sometimes we cannot understand why difficult, even unfair, things happen in life. But as followers of Christ, we trust that if we “search diligently, pray always, and be believing, … all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly” (D&C 90:24; emphasis added).

Still, we will have to pass through all seasons—both pleasant and painful. But no matter the season, as followers of Jesus the Christ, we will rest our hope upon Him as we walk toward His light."

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985):
“If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective. …
“Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?”

It's Oren Michael's Birthday!

He's pretty cool I guess. And I kinda like him. I'll keep him around - mainly so I have someone to go to Disneyland with.
In reality he's the best. He's my brotha from anotha mother and he's one of those people I don't want to ever leave my life. I'm so grateful for all that he does for me and I hope I'm half as good of a friend/person as he is. He's one of the most inspirational people I know - always looking for positives and taking care of others before himself. We've had some crazy memories and I cherish them dearly.
I miss you tons Oren and I hope you're having a fantastic, wonderful, over-the-moon day (but also that you miss me just a little bit and that kinda puts a damper on your day. That'd be awesome.)
I love you so much! Thanks for being you. And being born. And living and all that. Happy 19th birthday, yo.

This Is For HPen

I miss you. I have this whole big apartment to myself. I wish I could share it with you. BABY COME BACK. Actually, maybe you could live like next door. We both know how your messy and my OCD for cleaning don't go too well together. But at least you could be in the same time zone at the very least. Please.

Side note for everyone else: Sorry that I haven't blogged in a month. I've been crazy busy. I definitely have plenty to write about. But I just need time to get caught up. RA training, you know what I'm saying?

All I Can Say is PREACH BROTHA

PS Let it be known I called dibs. If he has an older brother, I'll take him too.

Well

I wish my friends would blog/update their blogs more so I'd have some late night reading. (This ones right at you, H. RIGHT AT YOU.)

I have these really awesome people in my life like... {six}

Jason K!

He's going to be in America. Like today. What? Two years already past? I can't wait to see this wollengabba. He spent two years in Brazil on his mission and now will be attending BYU-Idaho until he can transfer to Utah and we can have soso much fun! He's an amazing person and an even better friend. Love love love him!

Pretty much the story of our lives.

I can't even take how hideous this is but the fact that we're both crying shows he kinda likes me too, right?

I don't know about you.

No I'm not feeling 22. But I think this is pretty cool.

For more of my own insight, click here.

The First and Great Commandment

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment." (Matt. 22: 37-38)

In the words of President Ezra Taft Benson, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

Wait, What?

The Church is NOT true if Elder Holland is throwing the first pitch for the Dumb Dodgers....

Read the article here.

(In all honesty it's kinda cool. But he really should of been at a game for a better team....)

Footloose

I don't know if y'all knew, but for my Senior Project I was a part of the school musical which happened to be Footloose my senior year (Side note: It's going to be West Side Story Bailey's senior year and I told him I'd disown him if he wasn't a part of the production). And as I was going through some pictures on my computer I found these beauties and I had to share them.

These are all of me (and the cast) being all churchy. I'm such a good housewife it's ridiculous. In numbers 1 and 2, I'm standing next to my 'daughter'. Funny how they cast the two red heads huh? Too bad the dad is Asian. hahaha Notice in number 3 I have no shoes on and my hair is significantly smaller than in all the other pictures. That's because it wasn't a performance - just wanted to clarify that I'm not that tacky. 

 Amazing AMAZING cast. See photo number 4 for my trashy hoe wig. It's blond with black roots. Hot, amiright? Some days I wanted to rip their throats out but mainly I loved this cast like a family.

Me and the hubs (In the play. Gotta clarify for people googling this and looking for BYU married students. Awk.) 1. End scene that I couldn't look him in the eye during because I just started cracking up because I couldn't even take him seriously and it was supposed to be a tender moment and there were just so many things wrong with it that it had to be altered. 2. Me, sucking up as usual. This is the picture that was in the paper. And the school bulletin. And everywhere else. Couldn't find a better one? Really? 3. That's me in a robe and silky jammies. Oh and you can't forget the night cap. Just so you know I sang a solo in that outfit and freaking rocked it. I'm talking tears, people. Check it out here. 

1. Me just doing me thang.

2. (going down) That's the gym scene - Shawn took his shirt off. And Faith talked about periods.

3. BROOKIE. That's my cheer buddy for lifeeee.

4. Coree. That's the face she gave me every morning in seminary. Just kidding. Not really.

5. Me again. I just think it's such a glamour shot even with my stage makeup on. I think I yell at the hubs in this scene. 

6. Coree, Jesse, and Kelcie. They're just so cute. They did the musical even with basketball AND softball. #dedication

Axel Revisited

Sometimes we send each other pictures of how gorgeous we are. 

I'm just so incredibly proud of him. It sucks not being able to talk to him everyday and I wish that he wasn't all the way in UKRAINE but I know that they are blessed to have him and the Lord knows that that is where he needs to be. Every week I get an email or two from him (one that he sends out to everyone in his contacts and one personal one if he has some extra time) and it's amazing to me how many miracles he encounters every week. I don't know why people say miracles only happened when Christ walked the earth because I know any LDS missionary can tell you they've witnessed them personally in their own lives. (Other members have also seen miracles too - don't want to discredit them.)
It's crazy to think that church send out 19-year-old boys (now 18!!) to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. It seems like there is quite a lot of pressure on them in doing so but some how they manage to do it and when they come back they come back as men.
Now, the church has lowered the age for girls to serve as well from 21 to 19 and the increase in missionaries has been so drastic that 58 new missions were created and more MTCs are being opened and just at the Provo MTC alone, housing has had to be increased.
I'm just in awe of the boys and girls willingness to serve and am proud to be a part of this church. I know that this Gospel is true and that spending time away from their families is bringing people to be with their own for eternity.

In Other News

I'm pretty sure my biggest pet peeve in the entire world is when people abbreviate California to Cali. Or Nor Cal/So Cal. Say it all the way out for goodness sake. It's a dead giveaway anyway that you AREN'T from California.

*End rant*

Renaming the Blog

Quite honestly I've been thinking about renaming it for a while. Mainly because I wasn't a starving college student in the making anymore, I was the starving college student. I know it's like not kosher or whatever to change the title of something after it's been shown, but at the same time I feel justified in saying that it was just a working title.
As I change so does what I write/care about. So why shouldn't I be able to switch things up?

Why "Adventure is Out There"? I think it's pretty clear if you just read some of the post below. I'm still a teenager for the time being and then I'll be in my 20s and from what everyone tells me I just have to live it up. So adventures are coming for me, and I'll be looking for 'em. I've got quite a few under my belt already and I just get excited now for the future - it's not so scary anymore.

Oh My Stars

GUYS. HPen facelifted the blog: Mama Hen For The Win. I'll tell you what, you need to go see it because it looks FAN-freaking-TASTIC. Muah!

Tutti Frutti

This summer and the last I've a job working at Tutti Frutti - the only frozen yogurt shop in my home that is the treehouse. And I will whine about it until the day I stop working there. My hours are awful, there's often a lot of downtime, sometimes people aren't that friendly when they come in, I do more dishes there than I do at home, and I swear I come home covered from head to toe in yogurt. Oh, and don't forget the 824473947 pounds I'll gain by the end of the summer because it is so dang good!

But every once in a while I have some really great moments. There's a lot of people that come in that just crack me up (I mean, this is Lake County). There's also plenty of people that come in regularly, some doing the walk of shame because they might come in just a little bit too often, that I feel I ave a responsibility to make their day just a tad brighter. Plus, they tend to tip more if I'm friendly ;)

There's two little twin boys, probably 3 years old, that come in with their dad and tell me about their hunting and fishing trips and how they love the "salmon eggs" in their yogurts.

There's a little girl who comes in with her mom and is 4 going on 14. "I don't need your help, mom." "Mom, why are you doing it for me?"

There's the lady who came in and complimented me on my red hair and then said how whenever she came in I had a smile on my face and it made her happy

There's the families I knew from before I worked there that make me perk up when they come in.

There's my friends who come in when it's slow just to make me laugh. And take pictures of me. And play with the puzzle books.

There's the SUPER CUTE older couples who you know have been married forever and come in for date night to get frozen yogurt.

There's the people who commend my efforts for higher education and know that it's not easy to fund it on your own.

There's the teenagers on their first date.... and the ones that come in with the munchies.

There's so many reasons to smile

One lady found out I was a BYU student and got excited and asked me all about Utah because she was heading out there soon and wanted to know if she should fly or drive and what she could do and what I loved about Utah (Made me anxious to get back!) She left last week and came in before she did to tell me she decided to drive per my recommendation.

Then, yesterday there was a guy who found out I lived in Utah and asked if I was Mormon. (Pause: there's a lot of Mormon terms coming up.) After a brief introduction I found out he was recently baptized and that he just received the Priesthood and was attending a ward in my stake and he knew a lot of people that I did and we shared our love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives.

When I look at it this way, it makes working there not so bad and I actually wonder if my next job will be as enjoyable as this one with the way I get to interact with people so closely.

It also makes me really excited for that time in my life when I finally get to work at Disneyland - it's gonna happen.

To those in Lake County

I've Been Thinking

I know that's kinda scary. But isn't crazy to think about how people come into your life? And the ones you think will be important aren't and the ones that are you don't realize it until late.

(Heads up, this might end up being me talking in circles and making absolutely no sense.)

Take H for example. Her name alone made me think we weren't going to get along right off the bat. I emailed her timidly because that's what you do when given a roommate's email address right? I didn't know at the time how important she would become in my life or how much we would need each other. And neither of us really understood how tidy we were (We both said somewhat. I'm definitely more than somewhat and she is most definitely less. But I love her!) And now, a year later, I miss her more than dieters miss candy and we text each other funny things that we used to be able to say across the room and now there's an ocean dividing us.

Or A. A admitted to me later on that she hated my first impression and thought I was really stuck up when she first met me (I think I need to work on that... haha). We always joked about our first times hanging out. One day she tried to find me and there was another Britt on the floor but she was Brittany and I'm Brittani. We had our names on the doors courtesy of our RA and Amber knocked on Brittany's door and asked, "Oh, is Brittani here?" and she said "I am Brittany..." How awkward for her right? That led to me sleeping on her extra bed almost every night until K moved in and even then I moved my mattress in. Lucky I have her while K is going to be in London and nearly all of our other friends are going on missions.

And then there's Lady K! K and I met the summer after my junior year. We got in trouble for being rebels without a cause at EFY and keeping the whole building up. We yolo'd so hard even then. Fast forward two years and we find out we're living on the same floor of the same building or Freshman Year at BYU... COINCIDENTALLY.  The universe was definitely trying to tell us something then (HIMYM reference, anyone? Anyone? K will get it.)

Where there's Lady K, there's a Lake - the second half of the blondtourage. L and I had our ups and downs but we make a good team. She reminds me not to take life so seriously and she needs me to take her phone so she actually gets her assignments done. And she started as that girl down the hall who wanted us to come see her on Halloween at Sonic because she had to work. Oh, she likes Little Mermaid too so that's kinda bonding.

Can't forget about A and O. Met because BYU put us together in a Y-group because we signed up for the same class our first semester. Take a picture together the first night and it's like you're destined to love them forever. A is on a mission and I talk to him weekly and can't imagine not having his friendship in my life. He truly was an answer to my tear-filled, lonely prayers. And O - we may not have seen each other everyday of the school year, but we finished where we started and made sure there were lots of laughs and memories along the way and are able to pick up where we left off when we are together.

Or my bulldogs. Did you know that when I first moved to Lake County they all picked on me relentlessly? Not like they do now where it's a joking thing. But to the point where I would go home and cry. (I was pretty weird individualistic in the middle school in their defense.) And then in high school I started checking their collars to make sure their ties were covered because I think I might have OCD. And one day Kyle called me Momma Goose and that's how that started. And now I love and care about them like my brothers and I pray for them and worry for them and get excited for them and they are some of the greatest friends in my life. Even if they agitate me without end.

There's the friends I thought would be my friends forever in high school and now we hardly talk or I see their Facebook statuses and that's how I keep updated.

There's the friends who come into your life and leave and come back until you realize how much you love them and need them around. And no matter what life brings you through or where you are or how many times you fight or say "I hate you" deep down you always still care.

There's the friends that I feel obligated to make things work with and I try really hard but I know that in the end I have to do what's best for me and sometimes that means going separate ways because we have different life experiences and we grow in different ways and sometimes that means that we grow apart. But that's life.

What I'm trying to say I guess is that there are so many things that happen in our lives and we don't always take time to appreciate them or write them down or ponder them. And I always tell myself I'll get around to it at some point but tonight I just knew I needed to write it down for me because it's been something I've been thinking about for a while. In the end, I just feel grateful. And that's possibly the best thing.

I Need You

I need you, if you're reading this, to take a moment and read about these girls.

Climber is a character! she had 3 siblings at camp and I didn't know that until after camp was over. She just does her own thing and does it with a smile. She has a very cool eye too. Maybe you can see it in the picture but she doesn't like to talk about it. She was our time girl at camp because she was the only one, including counselors, that had a watch. Anytime we needed to know the time we would call for her and she'd give it to us. She also loved the flarp we made. It was this goo stuff that you have in a cup. When you push it into the cup it makes a fart noise. Haha the kids loved it but especially her! She was Always playing with it. Her mom has breast cancer and has been fighting it since 2004 so pretty much her whole life since shes only 11. Shes a fun, strong, funny and outgoing girl. She's kinda a tom boy too but I love that about her.

Rio is the sweetest most obedient girl. She always followed directions and was so pleasant to be around. She is very mature for her age and I think that comes from the fact that she has a younger brother with downs syndrome to help take care of and I know she does. She is so helpful and when her parents came to get her I could tell that they are so proud of her and I can see why. Both of her parents had cancer at one point. They are both ok now but they are still watching her dad close. She came to camp last year for her first time and without any of her siblings. She's super brave and intelligent. She's quiet most of the time but when you talk to her she has only good things to say and I just couldn't get enough of her at camp.

I've been asked to sponsor these two girls to attend Camp Kesem BYU this year the week of August 12th. The cost for two campers is approximately $800.

You may be thinking, why should I donate or why should I help Brittani? I promise you this camp will change their lives.  Don't believe me? Watch this.

I'm asking you not just to help me out, but to help them. They need this way more than I do!

If you can't help with a donation, any possible help is appreciated (fundraising ideas, etc.)


Kesem (n.): magic; the ability to change a life; an agent of growth;
 the unique power that transforms kids into Camp Kesem Campers.

FRICK

The problem with passwords is that I have to many of them! And then I can't remember which one is for which freaking log-in. So then I end up locking myself out in important moments. Like when I want to comment on H's blog post because I miss her more than a poor college freshman guy misses his meals in the Cannon when he's trying to save money/ran out. Words can't express my love for this gal. And she's pretty freaking funny too. So here's my responses.

LET’SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TALK ABOUT THE SNAPCHAT.

^that's what I was going to say. Sorry Lake, she's my roommate so I have dibs.

SO I’M SITTING AT THE BEACH

Tough life, H. STOP I'M SO JEALOUS AND I MISS YOU. COMEBACKTOMEEEE.

QUOTE{S} FROM LAST WEEKEND:

Have I taught you nothing? ALWAYS give your number to the creepy guy. Especially on your birthday when I told you to party like I would. Jeez. SMH. 

Okay that's it. 

Change

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing
with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some
gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part
of the process of becoming a butterfly.

When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”

The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”

Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me
when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”

On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”

And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 6775.)


I guess this RA studying stuff is good for something.

For the whole talk about change by Wendy Watson, click here.

This Guy...

He's literally my long lost twin. Reading. My. Mind.

There's this blog H, A, and I love...

Called "Just Say Amen Already". And it's super hilarious because as a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she is able to see all the weird or off-beat things about being a Mormon. And sometimes it's just nice to be able to recognize that yes, we are different and yes, that's okay. And if you can't accept it, it's going to make those who mock you winners because you'll begin to give in and believe what they say and feel that you're wrong and they're right.

Well I wasn't expecting to go that way but it did. Anywhoooooo

This blogger wrote this post recently and while she addressed it to converts to the Church I feel that it most definitely applies to all of us on our journey of spiritual progression. She says:


This summer will mark 5 years since I first set foot in an LDS church and met with the missionaries (that’s a different story for a different time).

I’ve done a few posts about what it’s like to be a convert, so I apologize if I’m getting repetitive. But I never expected to have the platform I have now, so I want to use it for good. There’s so much I wish I had known back when I started investigating and then after I converted, and so much I needed to hear. I hope that by saying some of that here now, I can spare someone a little of the suckyness that comes from converting. And I don’t think it applies just to converts. So, here are some of the things I wish I had known as an investigator/new convert/member-whose- bishop-said-she-is-no-longer-a-“new-covert”-but-she-is-still-trying-to-find-her-way-and-kind-of-resents-Bishop-for-saying-that

1.    You didn’t make a mistake.

2.     Mormons have their own language (RM= returned missionary, RS= Relief Society, EQ= Elder’s Quorum, YM/YW=Young Men/Young Women’s, the U= University of Utah, the Y= BYU (or a hiking trail in Provo that I’m told is lovely), ZL= Zone Leader, FGSJSTWPBYDMI= For Goodness Sake, Just Say The Whole Phrase Because You’re Driving Me Insane (I made that last one up) )

3.     You will not be kicked out of the church for hating jell-o, not playing the piano, not having blonde hair, not liking Jane Austen, not going to BYU, or not bawling your eyes out whenever you speak in church. You’re allowed to be different.

4.     You have talents of your own. Use them. We need them, and we need you.

5.     Most members are not jerks. If someone said or did something hurtful, don’t lick your wounds- tell them. They probably didn’t realize what they did, and will want the chance to make things right.

6.     Some people, however, are jerks. Walk away. You don’t need them. (Mormons are humans. They’re not perfect and the church has not yet adopted a No-Jerks-Allowed policy, despite my letter writing campaign)

7.     You can ask for help. It’s allowed. In fact, I encourage it.

7.5 Don’t be afraid to pop your hand in the air and ask questions if you have no idea what is going on or if someone said the most annoying phrase in all of Mormondom- “I’m sure you all know this…..” Stand up for yourself and your right to understand things.

8.     Pray. A lot.

9.     Don’t be ashamed of converting, and don’t be scared to share your faith. Amazing things can happen if you do. If people aren’t nice when you do, see #6

10. You won’t know everything. I’ve been at this for almost 5 years and I’m still learning. Most life-long members still are (if not, they’re probably super arrogant and again might warrant a review of #6). Try not to get discouraged. Learning is what makes this whole journey interesting.

11. Do your visiting/home teaching. Do your calling. You will learn so much, and be blessed for your service. It’s also a great way to find your place in the church.

12. Journal.  My biggest regret is having not journaled more during this time. It will be a huge blessing to be able to look back on past experiences and remember why you are doing this, and how you have seen G-d’s hand in your life. It’s also cool to look back and see how far you’ve come.

13. (this one is important, so pay attention) It’s going to suck for a while. I don’t know any convert for whom the first year to year-and-a-half weren’t full of incredibly hard trials, feelings of isolation, and longing looks back. They say this is because Satan attacks. I think it’s also because G-d wants to make sure you appreciate and protect your testimony; if you have to work to keep it, it will mean so much more. But, it will get better. And, I promise, it is worth it, so please don’t give up.

14. You’re not alone. When things are hard, you can always turn to your savior, and to your Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance. Your bishop, visiting/home teachers, missionaries, and friends, are all resources for you. You can also reach out to me (Amenalready@yahoo.com) . I’ve been there. We converts have to stick together.

I just feel like she has some things right and she continues to look in the right perspective. So glad that out of humor I can find gems like these.

I figured it out, and I kinda feel like a genius.

This is someone's definition of why they love summer.

I read this and I thought, "This sounds like the last few weeks at college."
So I finally get it - the reason why college is so fun is because it's like summer ALL THE TIME. Except the whole school thing, that kinda sucks. Can't they just hand me a diploma already?

The end.

There's really no other way to describe it. It's just the end. The end of the beginning I suppose. Haley and I are busy deep cleaning and packing and whatnot. Cleaning out the shoebox we call home. And that's what it's become - the 3103, Provo, BYU - home. I know I'm going "home" to California. But I'm going there with suitcases and a set date to come back. And I'm okay with it. I waited for this day with anticipation since day one. And I can't believe it's here and if I'm being honest, I wish it wasn't. I could sit here and make a list of all the things I wish I would've/could've done before I left, things that I could add to the Freshman Year Bucket List. Instead, I'm just so grateful for the things that I was able to do and accomplish while I was here. And now I sit in anxiously awaiting when I can get back to P-town. It'll be a fantastic end to my summer with Camp Kesem and then swinging right in to RA training. Oh yeah guys, I'm going to be an RA! Next Fall and Winter semesters I'll be living in Freshman On-Campus housing so that they'll pay for my things (housing and meal plan) and so I can help some girls navigate their Freshman year. That'll be interesting!

As for this summer, I'm going to try and figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a few ideas, and I know I have time, but really feel like I can do it. It's a "me summer". I have a few goals in mind, a job lined up, and some quality reading time to catch up on. And I can't tell you how great it all sounds.

It's Finals Week

So it's kind of the worst time to have procrastination problems. But I am so past the point of caring it's ridiculous. I'm going to be home next week! On the other hand, that kinda sucks because I have to move and then take the long drive home. But at least I'll be done with this semester from Hades. One day I'll have my life figured out and then it'll all be worth it right? Right.

I don't blog enough

Sometimes, there are things that happen in my life, and I'm like, "I think that might be funny for other people to read." So I blog it. But then, I get bored or I feel the need to procrastinate yet again (like now, for instance. Imagine that!) And I go back and read my old posts.
Man, I'm hilarious. But besides my obviously perfect sense of humor and complete sarcasm, I love to read the moments when I'm serious for 0.23 seconds and I'm like, wow, I actually learned something about life. And it's like a living breathing journal - which I'm supposed to have anyway, but blogging is more fun - that I can look back on and gain insight and all that mushy, gushy sentimental stuff.
So for all of you that read my blog, you're pretty cool because you get to see my life, too. Well, the cool parts anyway. So I now present to you,

Story Time Catch-Up!

Here's a picture of Jennea when she was super duper awesome and came to stay with me for an un-predetermined (pretty sure I just made that up. What of it?) amount of time and experienced momo land and tried to change my background on my computer from this

Which it still is, to this

and she's just really Mac challenged so it didn't happen. But here's your perpetual claim to fame on the blog, yo.

A few months ago, I get this in the mail:

That's how pathetic my life is. Someone wants me to advertise my "Single Lady" Status in my window and hope it brings out the good guys.
Clearly, that's the reason it's on my door for everyone to see when they come in...

Last night, I was all alone so I fell asleep watching Little Mermaid. Hello, my name is Brittani and I'm secretly five years old. Which leads me to the Monday when I went to Build-a-Bear and the Disney store with Amber and people assumed we weren't there for ourselves. Ha, yeah right! (We also decided that we want the Tangled and the Little Mermaid Dinnerware to keep in my apartment next year.) Which THEN leads me to Thursday which may or may not have been the best conversation of my life that involved A LOT of caps and other forms of text screaming out of excitement of possibly the best news of my life that'd I might be headed to Disneyland with this girl in a few months where we can act like kids in a candy story (Read: little girls in Ariel's grotto) and not be judged for it

 Might I add that we are pretty freaking adorable at any age? Even with my hoe make-up on from the musical. Ps. K, where are the pics from when we were at our happy place last summer?
^I also just have to say that I am rocking whatever print is on those pants? #YoungFashionista

With my Aunt Jamie and her familia living so close, I've gotten to see her pretty often lately which is awesome. Mainly because I get snuggles from these cuties

And she cooks for me and lets me do my laundry over there and is pretty much freaking the best ever.

Sometimes, it's really hard to keep the paparazzi away from us at lunch.. They don't get it...

I may or may not be the best FHE mom ever. So what if we do activities that I do when I babysit. It was pretty legit. 

I don't know why but only girls showed up that night. It was still super fun! My favorite is the one in the lower right hand corner. That's Cole Lyman attempting to finger paint this

It was a valiant effort, Cole.

So basically, this semester has kinda been ridiculously hard and I'm still trying to figure out my life and all. But at least I've got some great memories. I mean in all honesty, no one remembers the nights they got to sleep a lot, but they remember the times they made a not-so-great choice and went out and went crazy and had so so much fun and then have to stay up late finishing an assignment that's due the next day. Or maybe you roll in during the wee hours of the morning and you and your roomie decide to shower at 5 am because, why not? (Oh yeah, she fell asleep in her clothes... again). Or maybe you go late night bowling because you can. And it's Provo. And maybe you spend some time fifth-wheeling it, but it's okay because your friends are awesome and at least they have good, caring boyfriends. All of this is hypothetical, of course. But I think the best thing is to remember the cray cray times and enjoy life. You only live once, right?